boy oh boy

that was an accidental breath of air
that wasn't needed, an illusion
i felt guilty because i was being unfair
to him, to me, to us
but i'm not here to look for fake lust.
another person comes along,
and he seems to great to do me wrong
but is he the one
i've been through this before,
it's all in fun, till reality knocks on the door.
hopefully this goes well, it seems so
let's make this a new experience
in with the new, out with the old.

dictionary meaning of

the first time, i told myself he'd be mine.
then he asked me to be his, and i said no.
so he left, and i said go.
but he turned around, came back to me.
so i thought to myself, i think it's meant to be.
then i did it again, i walked out on it
but he kept asking, so why not another hit?
i couldn't take it, too many mixed thoughts
started avoiding him, but then got caught.
now it's done, and i realized something
maybe those weren't just flumzy feelings.
i think we should try this again,
but what's the use if this is what happens when
we start all over, try to save it
and then, i quit?
whattttt is WRONG with me?
i know he's SO right, but i always pick fights..
i think i'm just scared, because he actually cares.
and now he misses me, and i kinda miss it too
maybe another shot, it could pull through.

let this pass

soo, i wonder--
should i stop doing the things i know that's bad for me?
obviously the answer is yes..
but it's so captivating, and exciting.
i always think, i shouldn't be doing this. but i do..
time passes, and my mind passes.

i do wonder what's next, sometimes; lately..
i thought i knew exactly what's been planned out for me.
but i was completely wrong!
everything is full of unexpected things.
bad, and good.
sometimes i love the different feelings, but sometimes.
i wish i could just stick to my comfortable planned life.

i do wonder about you sometimes.
but when i think hard enough, i realize;
that i don't...really care anymore.
when i told you i was done with you,
i meant it. bye, so called best friend.
you don't know me anymore, and i don't know you anymore.
we had good times, but those times pass.

tough, love.

shit happens. but at the end of the day,
you know i still care for you at the bottom of everything.
back then, when i told you i'd always be here for you;
i meant it. and i still am, even though there's less conversations
although it may not seem like it..
there's still the same about of love, & care. trust me.

dude edc was worth it all..
i've barely eaten since friday. yaay..
nothing tastes better than thin!!!!!!

priorites

we talk about you. and we miss you a lot, and we know things aren't the same;
if we don't talk it out, then it won't get anywhere.
but what's the point, it's not like you're gonna change your ways of thinking.
like she said, her priorities changed and obviously we're not as superior to her.
he's her first priority, we won't get in between and let her have her fun.
that's okay, it's a fact and it's something we have to accept.
that sounds kind of cruel, but how do i sugar coat that?
i wish we could all just be like before, where it was NOTHING but all of us.
i always rewind time in my head and think about those times, i don't know why.
i always talk about it, and reminisce.
i guess it's just because they were the best times i've had.

2010

omg. everytime i talk to tina, or irene
all we talk about is EDC.
WHOS READY?! WE'RE READY.
:)

woah

shisha'd with irene, dillon, steven, & ryan?
tina came w/ linda, & leesa
chris came w/ brandon, & gio
flex, rythm, & a buncha flip niggaz.
shot guns x100 w/ everyone
but at the end, was like woah...........
12-2am, hahaha, i laugh about it now..

i love bonding with irene yang :)<3

siiiiiiiigh

volleyball season
sucks ass.
got my barz in. can't sleep for forever now..
s'all good. i'm tired! spring break isn't here yet
earthquakes like, left and right.
we're gonna die.

just saying

i miss those months when we were inseparable.
not saying that we drifted apart or anything,
we are, of course, the closest trio anyone ever seen.
remember every friday night, the whole weekend.
see my bed thursday night, and then again sunday night
when we'd go everywhere during those nights, gno's.
all nighters, crash anywhere.
the niggas don't matter, they were just a nice accessory.
probably the best times i've had, was with you guys.
aaaah, i'm so grateful for you guys.
i know you guys know that, i just felt like i need to
vent, because we haven't had those nights in a while.
last time i saw dtd was longgg ago. that's okay--
even though it lasted for a few months,
they made the biggest memories.
and i love the memories. :)
haha, yeah and there's so much more to come, i know it :')
love youuuu girls forever and everrrrrrrrrrrrrr<3

and oh how i miss your grey corolla :(
gooooooooooood timesss :)

WWIII

someone new.
do i dare give it a try
or should i still sit behind my walls,
with my guns loaded with bullets in case someone tries to attack me
and stay safe, like how i have been
ever since what he did to me
love is a battlefield or what? hah.
no, i don't fall in love; no one does :)

hi

where's my car..

5

FIVE. MORE. DAYS.

nine

NINE MORE DAYS TILL DRIVING TESTTTTTTTT

ayo nigger.

your best friends need to STOP talking to me.
i know they hate me, and i hate them.
don't be actin like we're homies now or what not okay..
they be sayin hi to me everyday in class, and asking about you constantly.
the fuckkkk? they're your bff's shouldn't they know about everything already? -_-
they're like, taunting me or some shit.
ass holes. all of you. go away, gtfo of my lifeeeee!

haha, i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 2010.
on a brighter note, DRIVERS TEST IN ELEVEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meant to be broken?

commitment. ever since january first, everything is gone!
my whole view on boys, relationships, gone!
no more commitments, no more relationships for a while.
i thought i was always going to be the "commitment" type person,
but i guess one person can change my whole view on everything.

commitment. starting march 1st, gonna start DIETING?!
lol, and then working out at katelyn's with her & tinaa:)
yess. lol time to get fit for spring break! haha but who knows,
i always break my promises for myself, i hope i can keep it this time :(

commitment. even when he's tied down, he still does DUMB ass shit.
i'm so glad i'm not in her position, being lied to straight to my face.
i passed that shit, and i learned my lesson. i don't get how he can just
lie through his teeth, and go around doing idiotic things like that.
wow i'm pretty shocked but you know, i guess some people never learn?
and some people just don't understand commitment.

*i'm..no, WE, are always here for you, through anything. and you know that.
practically family, i would never do anything to hurt you in any situation.
please, smile. stop being so down, please. :( it pains me to see you in such a
rough patch. it wasn't your fault, it had nothing to do with you. don't feel bad,
you know no one planned it, i can't stress it enough. please, no more crying. you don't deserve your family bagging on you, you don't deserve all these financial complications, you don't deserve this big headache! you don't deserve any of this, let me tell you. if anything, you deserve the best!:) and you deserve sunshine, and happiness. don't worry too much, okay? you know we're here for anything, i know you know. and i know you know i love you sososososo muchhhhh. I'M ALWAYS HERE!!!!!

bad start?

this year has been HORRIBLE!
i must admit, there has been some REALLY good highs throughout the year,
but over-all, it's been the worst so far :( i kinda had a feeling from the start this wouldn't go so well, but why would i admit it; i hoped for the best.
first off, very beginning of january, got thrown and played around. fml. made me develop MAD trust issues towards guys relationship wise. i still cannot trust any guy, so i'm over the idea of relationships. no more, ain't goin tie me down.
then, beginning of february, i come to find out there's been secrets kept from me. no big, made me develop trust issues towards EVERYONE. and i didn't know who to look at for trust, honesty. but i always have my bestfriend, and i'm recovering from that anyway. already passed that.
then beginning of chinese new years, i thought this would turn my year around considering every chinese new years through out my life time has been amazing, and it was amazing. except for the car crash from that dumb ass asian texting while driving, caused neck/back pain for almost a week, and gave everyone STRESS, headaches, etc. -_-
sigh, could this year get any worse? :/
fuck it---when in doubt, start driving to shisha

wrap

finals was so shitty. it was not a good week!
i didn't study much.. eh.
been goin to all the basketball games, made me lose my voice =/
went to roscoes for the first time yesterday with andy, twinkie, & thl.
and today, went to corona beach for the first time w/ thl & andy, then went to fashion island. afterrr, we went to watch dear john with vannie & kristina. i kinda cried, it was sad.. andy teared up ^__^. and we did it all in the rain. sup bitches.

i haven't talked to him for exactly a month.
such a dramatic jump from talking 24/7 to not knowing that neither of us even exist.
i'm not gonna lie, it does pain me to see them together. kills me a little, but less and less everyday. and soon enough, it'll be gone. and i'm not gonna lie, he IS on my mind constantly, but again. less and less everyday, and soon it'll be gone. i'm almost at that point, i can do it! ^___^ i almost gave it up, and run back to him, but nah. i'm not thaat weak. hahaa, we ended off on bad terms, and i don't like that feeling. perhaps in the long run, things would change. but right now, it doesn't matter.

my family. we're all emotionally stressed about the recent incident. we'll all be okay, can't wait for the day he walks through those doors, and i get to see him. the last time to say goodbye, was so much more painful than i thought it'd be. but it's not the end of the world, haha.

eots

w t f. everyone's done with finals?!
we're starting next week ;(
here we go, gonna look like a bummmm next week.
not doin my hair, sweats all week. haaaayell yeah.
got inspired after talking to kdao. :)
haha, gotta studdyyy now... : (

let's enjoy the weekend beforee hell week comes.

:D

todaaay was great, finally. i haven't had a decent/good day in a while, besides saturday night with tina, angel, & janice. haha.

lunch was funny, for once. lol, i love being bitchy and rude to certain people.
hahahaha, i let out some anger to some people.

i love jackie vu, she made me laugh till i teared up, till my stomach hurttt. i'm sure she and chris did too hahahaha, i still can't get over it. i was walking to 6th with chris and we saw her walking, and since we had the same class, we came up to her. we were walking up the stairs to class, and when we got the top, all of a sudden. she fucken TOOK off running like all the way to class, fucken laughed sooo hard i couldn't breathe. so random.

and i love kailey, ditched a little bit of 6th with her, and we went around doing stupid shit. to stupid bitches. :)
gooood stuff.
good times
good dayy.

todos dicen

secret - the pierces.

throw back.

can't help but wait

o m g.
i get to take my license test in almost a month! OMFG.
i'm so excited!!! i hope i pass, i'm so pumped up.
can't wait for my car, my FREeEeEeEDOM.
no more needing to depend on rides for anythingg, can leave wheneverr.
go whereeverrr. sigh :(
can't wait! aaaaaaaah!

i cut my hair, finally.. :) it looks healthier now. yayz.

breeeeeaethe

so like, i calmed down in the past few days.
it's whatever now, i still have so much hatred.
you have no idea..
i started my payback, and boyyyy it feels GOOD.
if he thinks this is bad, it's only the beginning.

shitttt

HAHA OH SHIT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR HOE.
i hope she gets pregnant and fucks up your life.
DOWNNNNNnNnNnnnnnnNnNnGRADE.
i hate you guys. hahahah
my shit is prettier than her.
fuuuuuuuuuuuck! eww she's a dikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

vaycay!

This break was amaaazinng!
At first, got tied down for a while, curfew was gay but then it got fine.
Hung out with my girrrls almost errrday, and the guys here and there.
Got to stalk matt at work, met tina's family, went to an ugly sweater party
Got to bond with curtiss, he did some dr.phil on me
On christmas eveee, went to dennys with thee chicas and the boys!
Stayed home for xmas...that shit was boring..
Had game nights with tina's family, love them :)
Became trang pak. Hahaha!
Did some shisha with the boys before new years eve, did shisha with the girls and matt, angela, + thl for new years eve
Then went to the carters, spent timmeeee with ma boo that night.
Practically spent the night there, left at like 630am
Slept at 1030 after a goood talking/bonding time with tina<3
Did a joyride with katelyn saturday, then andy&thl cameover and we went shisha again.
Then fucken got nauscious and shit.
Had a goood time with my chicas at mcdonalds today to end off the breakk.
Gotten closer withh people, lovee you guys.
I literally slept alone throughout the whole break, ONCE. Shieeeet.
I loveeeeee my girrrrrrrls so muchhchhchhchh!