dictionary meaning of

the first time, i told myself he'd be mine.
then he asked me to be his, and i said no.
so he left, and i said go.
but he turned around, came back to me.
so i thought to myself, i think it's meant to be.
then i did it again, i walked out on it
but he kept asking, so why not another hit?
i couldn't take it, too many mixed thoughts
started avoiding him, but then got caught.
now it's done, and i realized something
maybe those weren't just flumzy feelings.
i think we should try this again,
but what's the use if this is what happens when
we start all over, try to save it
and then, i quit?
whattttt is WRONG with me?
i know he's SO right, but i always pick fights..
i think i'm just scared, because he actually cares.
and now he misses me, and i kinda miss it too
maybe another shot, it could pull through.